Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
