I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
