So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
