His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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