Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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