Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
