sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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