listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
