I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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