When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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