That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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