you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
