maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
