i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
