Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
