Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
