Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
