Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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