If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
