i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Drake has all the answers
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
