are you still at the devil's house?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
