that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
