and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
