i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
