i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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