I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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