No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
