I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
