Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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