Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
