There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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