Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
