Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
