what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
