I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
