I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
