That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Semen is not good for contacts.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize