He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
