I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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