so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
