i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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