so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
