just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
