We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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