Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
