12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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