it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize