Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
