i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She said her name was "party"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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