gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize