i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
