I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
