Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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