i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
