I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
