Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
