So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
