Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
