i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
