so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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