idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
