A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
