I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
