I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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