he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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