Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
please don't ironically join a cult
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