I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
