So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
