I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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