I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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