Pappa wants mamma naked
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
