he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
