allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
