there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
