Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
