Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
